Here’s how you can master the art of friendship in a cancel culture era
Life is hard enough, you don't want to do it alone
Hey! Welcome to the seventh issue of the Breakdown. Thank you for reading the last newsletter. It’s International Friendship Day today (July 30) so it’s only right that we talk about friendships.
We live in interesting times — a social media-saturated world with cancel culture as the latest trend. This culture encourages that you cancel someone if they do not pick your call, check up on every other day, there for you every single time you need them and basically live up to all your expectations.
Even now in the midst of a global pandemic with people falling sick, dying, losing jobs, this social media trend says its completely acceptable to drop these so-called ‘toxic/bad’ friends in the name of self-care.
Adult friendships, which were already hard enough, have been gotten even more difficult because of this culture that demands that we be selfish and unforgiving as we put our needs above those of our friends.
So today, we are cancelling cancel culture by sharing some of the ways you can master the art of friendship in this lonely world;
You have to want it
The key to building great friendships starts with you. You have to want it as much as the other person. Any relationship, including friendships, requires giving and taking.
You can not just take take take all the time, you have to give too. So, you have to ask yourself if you really want all the good and ‘wahala’ that comes with friendships.
Take a hard look at yourself
If you are ready to do this, the next step is to take a hard look at yourself. You want amazing friendships but are you even an amazing friend? Why should someone put in the work and care about you when all you care about is yourself?
Cancel culture says to focus on only your needs but true, beautiful, long-lasting healthy friendships will require you to be a good friend yourself. There is just no other way.
Work on the friendships you already have
Before you start searching for your next friend, do an inventory of what you already have. I’m sure you have at least one friend right now. Don't worry if too much time as passed or if laziness or fear of rejection has stopped you from doing your best before.
Now is the time to start calling, checking up on them, being there for them like you want them to do for you too. Show an interest in their life, what they have to say by asking thoughtful questions.
Learn to share and be vulnerable
Kate Leaver, the author of ‘The Friendship Cure,’ describes friendship as “an exchange of vulnerabilities” and I absolutely agree.
Deep-rooted, intimate friendships require honesty and vulnerability. Both parties have to learn to open with one another.
Leave room for mistakes
Real friends give each other grace contrary to what cancel culture says because we all make mistakes. When someone is not there for you, give them room to explain.
Don't be so quick to assume that they don’t care. Leave room for dialogue, flexibility, apologies and forgiveness if you want to have a healthy, lasting friendship.
Be patient
Lasting friendships take time so be patient. Don’t be in a hurry to be best friends with someone in one week. Just keep showing up without putting pressure on them and eventually you could have that amazing friendship you have always wanted.
P.S: It's okay to let go of friendships that no longer serve you. I honestly believe some people come into our lives for a particular time and season. Instead of spending time wondering who is for now or forever, just focus on being a good friend regardless.
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12noon Nigerian time on Thursdays and Sundays.
Fantastic, as usual.