The little things…

Take stock of your life and you will realise that the 'big' things are actually made up of the 'little' things.

“Aunty Inem, Daddy is dead,” my kid sister said as soon as she picked my call on Saturday morning. 

“Give the phone to mummy,” I said hoping that this was a sick joke my mum could immediately put an end to. A classic case of denial, the first of the five stages of grief.

Unfortunately for me, my mum had the same answer. “Inem, He is dead,” she said and I immediately went numb until the tears came. 

The next day, I entered an interesting stage of grief. I am going to call it the ‘little things’ stage. I was packing up my things to come home when I saw an empty bottle. 

Anytime I came home, my dad would always make sure I took at least one bottle of groundnut back to my place which meant I always had one bottle to return whenever I went back.

Seeing this bottle reminded me that my dad was gone, never to fry groundnuts for me again. Then, it was just my dad giving me groundnuts now this bottle represents my dad’s caring, thoughtful and giving nature.

“Enjoy the little things in life because one day you`ll look back and realize they were the big things” ― Kurt Vonnegut.

Since that dreadful call, my mind has been flooded with the ‘little things’ that make up the amazing and kind person my father was. Things like;

• Calling to ask if I have eaten

• Ending my calls and calling me back so ‘he wouldn't finish my airtime’ — his words not mine

• Always covering my siblings and me with prayers before we left the house

• Doing a full presentation of all his kids and their accomplishments when he had guests 

• Always carrying our bags despite his old age. We couldn't take our bags off his shoulders or out of his hands no matter how much we tried

• Putting on the gen whenever I needed to work

• Leaving the gen on throughout the night so my baby sister could sleep well

• Offering total support even when he didn’t understand what we were talking about

• Calling everyone to eat meat when he ate. This continued even when we became adults

• Waking early to boil water before the rest of the house woke up

• Buying funny pyjamas, slippers and other things for his kids and grandchildren whenever he went out

The little things count

At the time, these things were hilarious, cute, silly and sometimes downright annoying to a young adult desperate for her independence and freedom in this fast, rat race called life. 

Now, they are the same things that fill me with joy. In our attempt to get the job, house, car, and other ‘big’ things we often forget or ignore the ‘little things’ that actually count until something like death comes along and forces us to reconsider our priorities.

Commercials tell us that we will find real happiness and success when we get that ‘big’ thing but the truth is that true happiness is right in our faces in the ‘little’ things that go unnoticed. 

“Perfect happiness is a beautiful sunset, the giggle of a grandchild, the first snowfall. It’s the little things that make happy moments, not the grand events. Joy comes in sips, not gulps” — Sharon Draper.

This sad event now serves as a reminder to slow down, hug my family and friends a little more, to be grateful for the simple pleasures of life and to appreciate every single second I have got.

My dad had a long list of accomplishments and was many things to a lot of people — a Father figure, devoted Catholic, friend, chief, Immigration officer, brother, uncle, marriage counsellor, knight…

But to me and the remaining members of my immediate family, his legacy will be all the incredible ‘little things’ that make up the extraordinary man we knew and loved. 

“Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and died that distinguish one from another” — Ernest Hemmingway.

Thank you for subscribing and for reading to this point. This is the eighth issue of the Breakdown. I hope it explains why I was unable to show up like promised on Sunday, August 2nd. I love forward to getting to the big 10 with you.

I would love to hear what you think and what you would like me to address in subsequent letters. Please reply with your suggestions by using #TheBreakdownwithInem online or replying to this email.

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You can expect 2 letters from me weekly. 
12noon Nigerian time on Thursdays and Sundays.